A Pile of Stuff

I "got" to go pick up some of my belongings at The Cocoa Tree. The shop was completely empty; there was only a small pile of stuff in the corner. I said goodbye to the rooms, cleaned up my pile and walked away with a heavy heart.

It is hard to believe that a small pile of stuff is all that is left after 5 years of back breaking, heart wrenching work. It is hard to believe that one man was able to lock me out, close it up and sell it off to anyone who would give him cash - anyone except me. I wasn't even consulted.

I lucked into the pile of stuff. It was the landlord who called me. It had just been left, like it had no owner, in the corner of the empty building where part of my soul still resides.

It doesn't make sense, but I guess it doesn't have to.

God is always good, and even though I am sad, I know that life without Him is just a pile of stuff.

Bread Wallet

Yesterday I was sitting at lunch with Bridge and Story. They were eating hotdogs (no bun), strawberries and yogurt. I was eating leftovers from dinner.

Bridge, now 5 years old, has only been eating for a year because of all his medical issues, so he is a little behind the game. He decided that he wanted a bun for his hotdog, but he couldn't remember what to call it. He stumbled over a few words and finally came up with, "Mommy, my hotdog needs a bread wallet."

:) I love it.

A Little Taste

I keep telling you guys that I will post something about the book. I am not sure if I can post an excerpt yet, but this is the original intro that I wrote for it. It doesn't look like we will be using it in the book, so I thought I'd share it with you!

Friends are the chocolate of life: rich, satisfying, deep, delicious, addicting, and at times even bittersweet. They cover our imperfections with grace, like chocolate, making us beautiful and palatable, loveable and forgivable. This book is a celebration of the friends who have walked beside me, who have taught me to love without fear and live without regret.

As you read these pages and taste the spirit of my friends, I hope that you are inspired to look into your life and remember the friendships that have covered you.

Where Do I Go From Here?

This blog is going to have to switch gears a little, which is why I decided to make it private. There is a lot of change in my life right now and I am not sure where it is all going. Sometimes I think that is the best kind of place to be in, because it forces me to rely on God for every step, every breath, every thought.

In 1997 I moved to Nashville to pursue my songwriting dream. I had several major Christian publishers interested in helping me develop my talent. Nothing ever manifested - except I met my husband, Jesse! God is so funny.

But in 2002, God called me to lay down my songwriting. I was devastated. I couldn't understand why He would ask that of me. It was my life, it had been my hopes and dreams since I was 10 years old. It was a lot to give up, but I wanted to obey.

So, I laid it down. It took a year to reprogram my brain so that I wasn't always trying to think of a great hook or think about all the people that I needed to meet and things that I needed to make happen.

Eventually, I began to learn that it was all about trust. God wanted me to trust Him with my future. I had learned to trust in myself and trust in the system, not willing to put my life fully in His hands. He wanted my hope to be in Him and nothing else.

In 2003, just one year later, God called me to chocolate. I had no idea what I was doing. I was excited and passionate, but also completely dependent on God to show me the way. I didn't know the industry, I didn't know the system, the right people, I didn't even know how to make truffles!

But He did.

I willingly let go of everything that I had known and hoped for and He poured out His favor and His blessings on my efforts. I wasn't in business 3 months when I won the top rising star award, then came the national press, Newsweek Magazine, Bon Apetite, Better Homes and Gardens; after that the Veggie Tales DVD and the NYC Chocolate Show, Food Network and now a book!

The book is what really blows my mind. It is the cherry on top. Someone is paying me for my words! I gave up writing and God brought it back in an unexpected way. Isn't He just like that? He just wants us to know that He has it. He has everything we need. He is working on an eternal plan for our lives and through us, all the people that we come in contact with. Utterly amazing.

Apparently, He isn't finished with me. He has brought me right back around to a place of uncertainty. My beloved shop is closed. I don't know what is next. But I do know what He has graciously allowed me to learn - that my hope is in Him - not in a shop, not in a career, not in a book deal. I can loose it all and be just fine. The wealth that I have gained is eternal. It is a beautiful relationship with my Lord and Savior, the one who holds my future and knows my hopes and dreams.

So, where do I go from here? I am not sure, but God is. Ultimately, it will be amazing. Someday I will be in His arms for eternity. That is what this is all about.

Book Cover!!

Here is the image of my book cover. I am so excited. Let me know if you like it. :)

It makes me happy when people comment on my posts. :)

The book is due in stores in early October of this year. (Barnes and Noble, Boarders, Lifeway, Target, Walmart, etc) YAY!

and YES, the truffles are mine. :)

The Cocoa Tree Photo Montage

I put some of the photos from the The Cocoa Tree to music. This is from when we were on Main Street and lived above the shop. It was the time of our lives.

I hope this works on your computer. Let me know if you have trouble viewing it by leaving a comment on the post.

Enjoy!!

The Rumors are True

The Cocoa Tree is closed for good. I know that it is hard to believe, but for those of us who were on the "inside" for the last year, it is actually quite a relief.

Here is the email that I sent out a couple of weeks ago, I think it says everything that I am able to say about it at the time being...

Dear friends of The Cocoa Tree,

I regret to inform you that The Cocoa Tree is no longer in business. My business partner and I are at odds and it seems that the only way to separate ourselves is to let the business die. There are some very exciting things in my future; I want to concentrate on that rather than on the past.

You have loved my product, supported the business, cheered me up, cheered me on and essentially made me into the award-winning, nationally recognized chocolatier that I am today. I thank you for that from the bottom of my heart.

Here's to whatever the future holds! I have no doubt who holds my future...

Love to you,
Bethany

Mission Accomplished!

So, I have been at the Marriott for 22 hours. It has been heavenly. I drank coffee, watched a little TV, had a friend over for a gab session, slept for 8 hours - uninterrupted, had breakfast delivered to my door and most importantly - I finished my 8 chapters!!! I am a new woman. :)

Now...back to the grind, and actually looking forward to it! Home sweet home.

This is the life...

I went to my husband last night feeling like a time bomb just seconds from detonating. I have been sick for a week, taking care of sick kids, trying to keep the house straight, trying to keep the chocolate going for Valentine's Day, managing the artistic details of the photo shoot for my upcoming book, dealing with the fall out of the closing of The Cocoa Tree and not doing a very good job of any of it!

I said to him, "I don't want this to sound like I am frustrated at you, because I'm not, I'm just frustrated in general - I have 8 chapters due by Monday and I don't have the first clue how I am going to make that happen." Even though, at first, he did feel like I was coming down on his performance as a husband/father - which is one of our tough issues - we did get past that part rather quickly...probably due to the fist full of hair that I was about to pull out of my head.

Anyway, long story short - he booked me a room at the Marriott and told me to get lost. (in a nice way) So, here I am! No phone, no hungry kids, no fussing, no screaming, biting, coughing, sneezing, "mommy, mommy, mommy", no - none of that. I am sitting here in the peace and quiet with my feet propped up and a cup of coffee beside me just type, type, typing away.

Don't hate me...just be happy...someday you will get your turn! :)

Happy writing!!!!!! (thank you, Jesse - you're the best)

Happy Valentine's Day!

So, this will go down as one of the most memorable Valentine's Days ever. I have the flu, my husband has the flu, my children have the flu. It is miserable. We brought down 2 mattresses, put them in front of the TV and we are all hanging out in the "sick club" clubhouse. Our drinks of choice are Robitussin and Gatorade and coughing is the soundtrack of our life. This has been going on for 4 days, but it seems like 4 years.

Even though it is not fun, we are all together. My two youngest are taking turns snuggling with me, kissing me and telling me they love me "so much." Isn't that what you want to hear on Valentine's day! :) I am loved. It feels so good, even when I'm sick.

I hope you are feeling loved today...

Go Ask Your Mother!

So, tonight my 11 year old daughter says to me, "Mom, do you know the F word"?  I am thinking to myself, "Wow, maybe she is a little sheltered...go me!"  :)  Then I realize that she is fishing for some "girl talk" with her mom.  So, I told her that I indeed know the F word.  

She asked me when I first heard it, so I had to tell her the story.  (When I said "the word" out loud she about fell out of her chair.  I kinda like throwing her a curve ball every so often...keeps her guessing.)  The story goes like this.  

When I was in kindergarten I saw the letters F U C K written in chalk on the sidewalk outside my house.  I stood there for several minutes trying to pronounce it, saying it out loud over and over...at first very slowly.  FFFFF UUUU CK   FFFUUUCK  FFUUCK  F*%K?  I thought, "what a silly sounding word, what could it possibly mean"?  Then, I thought what every sweet little 5 year old girl should, "I should ask my dad."  So I marched into the house and walked right up to my dad and said, "Dad, what does f*%k mean"?

Well, you would have to know my very reserved father to realize just how funny this moment was.  He looked at me with the best deer-in-the-headlights eyes that I have ever seen, turned around, shut his bedroom door and then through the door I heard him say, "Go ask your mother."

You would have to know my mother to know why I didn't go ask her...

Food Network Challenge

Keegan Gerhard, the host of Food Network Challenge was at the NYC Chocolate Show.  He was very impressed with the chocolate dress and because of that, he passed my name on to the Food Network Challenge people. 

I was asked to compete on the Chocolate Landmark show and given only one day to make up my mind!  Why does this happen to me!!??  I guess because I am crazy enough.  :)

Within 3 weeks of saying "yes", Brandon and I were on a flight to Denver, CO to build a chocolate Statue of Liberty in 8 hours, in front of a live audience and at times 5 cameras.  It was exhilarating, challenging, entertaining and most of all NERVE RACKING!  (and I would do it again in a heartbeat! - in fact they have already asked if I would be willing to compete again...)

Here she is in all her glory...you have to watch to find out if we won the $10,000 prize.  :)  She is 100% chocolate.  Can you believe it?!

A Thousand Words

What Was That?!

I am coming off the success of the NYC Chocolate Show. I guess I should write about what an amazing success it was and post photos (which will come soon), but I am sitting here still trying to get my head around it all.

The more I experience life, the more I realize how insane I really am. Who goes to NYC in front of the world's press and chocolate industry to try to pull off a chocolate dress with no kitchen, no reputation and no practice? I do, apparently. (Brandon has to be at least half as insane as me to go along!)

The experience of pulling it off was thrilling. To dare to dream so big, to work a plan so carefully, to carry all your eggs in one basket and watch it all come together like a jigsaw puzzle with every breath you breathe, is quite an amazing experience.

How is it that a thought can grow into a vision that can be translated to a medium and shared with the world? How is it that the world can be impacted by an artist's creation in a way that brings growth and change? How is it that I have been given the opportunity to bring a vision like this forward?

God was real and present. He was writing the story, we were eagerly turning the pages. It was beautiful to feel God move through me as I laid out the chocolate tiles in a spectacular random mosaic, art unfolding in front of my eyes. I will never be the same.

I think I am a little insane. I really do. I have given this a lot of thought. For an artist to open up that channel, to let the pleasures of the world and the beauty of humanity flow through their mind, their hand, their fingertips onto the canvas, the paper, the sidewalk, the runway, to let that happen, the power of those moments is more than a sane mind could process. It is almost too much for my crazy mind to bare.

I just hope that my insanity doesn't affect those close to me in a devastating way. I hope that they are able to see the beauty in the gift that flows through me and are able to forgive the shortcomings that reside with it.

I'm impulsive, impatient, restless, independent and unpredictable. But those are the things that allow me to live in a moment, to take it all in, to feel the music, taste the colors, trace the humanity with my fingers. Allow me that, forgive the rest. It will be beautiful, I can promise you that...

This is Tina posting. I just talked to Bethany and Jesse. They are having trouble getting internet connection so I am helping out.

The night was amazing! The press is in love with Jessie Lyric and Bethany said it could not have been any better. Everyone was overwhelmed with the evening and on cloud 9! The dress was perfect and Bethany said it would take hours to recount the day’s events. It sounds as though the end result was perfect though!

The are celebrating and getting some rest before they head to CBS first thing in the morning. Don’t forget to set the tivo!

Thursday Morning Update

I am at the Gershwin Hotel. We had several set backs last night with the dress. So we are up at 6AM. We are hopeful that we will have it done by 4. We are encouraged at the progress that we are making on it and it looks very cool. Let’s just hope all goes as planned. We have to be at the Metropolitan Pavilion at 4 and the dress is only half done and the headpiece…well I have not even started on it!

I will try to give you another update later in the day. Please say a prayer.

CBS early morning show is TOMORROW, FRIDAY morning so set your TIVO’s on CBS for 7-9AM

Cart Before the Horse

Well, I just realized that you have no idea what I am talking about. I have been so caught up in the drama with The Cocoa Tree that I haven't had much time to stop and relish the event that is just 3 days away. (very short days)

I am good at putting the cart before the horse, in fact I think it is the only way that I know how to travel. I would switch it around if I knew how. I have lived my whole life ahead of myself.

So, that is why I told you about the CBS Early Show before I told you about the NYC Chocolate Show. And that is also why I submitted my name to the organizers of the show this year. I wanted to be included in the VIP high fashion runway event that kicks off the chocolate show every year. The only problem was, I have never made a dress out of chocolate before...

I still haven't actually - which is the scary part. I have made it over and over in my mind, but with a small business that is seeping with drama, a book to write and 4 children, there isn't much time for practice.

Not that we haven't been working on it for 3 weeks. We have created all the pieces for it and we have practiced all the techniques that we will be using, but the dress has not been assembled completely yet. The reason? We have to get it to NYC without incident. So, that is why we made the decision to assemble it when we get there.

I am so excited, and quite terrified, to be involved with this event. It is a dream come true and I can't believe I am actually going to walk down that runway with my daughter (who designed the dress) and a high fashion model who will be wearing my chocolate dress in Manhattan at the 10th annual Chocolate Show. Amazing.

Here's to the American dream!

CBS Early Show

Jessie Lyric and I will be on the CBS Early Show on the morning of November 8th. That is THIS Thursday.

So, here's the story. I got an email at 2:30 today that was sent to all the chocolatiers who will be part of the runway event on Thursday night. It was asking for 2 of us to volunteer to appear on the Early Show. I had about 30 seconds to spin it around my mind, knowing that if I wait much longer, I may not get the chance back. I could hear my husband's voice in my head, "you think you can do these things. . ." as he smiles and shakes his head.

I don't know why I said yes. I guess I like swimming up stream. . .so, here's to sink or swim!!

Wish me luck. I am going to need it. :)

I'll keep you posted...

It's a Deal!

I am negotiating a book deal with Thomas Nelson for a gift book called Chocolate Covered Friendship. So, I guess that means I am going to be an author. I never thought that about myself, but then chocolatier never hit the radar either! God is leading me down a path that has been so hard that I don't feel like getting out of bed most days, but so rewarding that I can't help but know that He has not forgotten me! His plans are good.

My husband is thrilled about the book, mostly because he is glad someone is finally paying me for my words! Otherwise it just seems that I have a lot to say for no apparent reason. LOL That must be a difficult thing to live with, for him.

I will try to keep up on the blog about the ins and outs of the book writing/publishing process. Hopefully it will be a fun ride! I don't typically write about how things are going, simply because it seems that things are always going so drastically around here. Nothing is really normal, ever. I guess that is just how life is going to be for me...and my family. Bless their hearts - really. I know they (my kids) probably just wish that I would remember to give them a bath a couple nights a week!

Is there something wrong with me??

Lean Hard

God is so good to guide us in paths of encouragement. He lead me to bible study tonight to hear these words...

From Octavius Winslow's, "The Burden Cast Upon God."

"Child of My Love! Lean hard! Let Me feel the
pressure of your care. I know your burden, child!
I shaped it- I poised it in My own hand and made
no proportion of its weight to your unaided strength.
For even as I laid it on, I said I shall be near, and
while she leans on Me, this burden shall be Mine,
not hers. So shall I keep My child within the circling
arms of My own love. Here lay it down! Do not
fear to impose it on a shoulder which upholds the
government of worlds! Yet closer come! You are
not near enough! I would embrace your burden,
so I might feel My child reposing on My breast.
You love Me! I know it. Doubt not, then. But,
loving me, lean hard!"

God - help me lean.