I should have posted this a long time ago! This is a photo/video tribute to our success at the Chocolate Show. I hope you can tell how stressful it was and how insanely gratifying it was. :) I couldn't have been more proud, walking down that runway behind my daughter, who stole the whole show! :) God truly blessed me in allowing this opportunity for a mother and her daughter to achieve a "crazy dream" together.
Tuesday, July 01, 2008
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
God Knew - Didn't He
When God chose to let Jesse and I raise Jessie Lyric, Journey, Bridge, Story and baby Manhattan...
He knew what He was doing.
Didn't He?
He knew our strengths, our weaknesses, our talents, our issues, our future...
He knew it all,
And He chose to let Jessie Lyric, Journey, Bridge, Story and baby Manhattan pass through life under our watch.
What a humbling honor.
What a relief.
God knew...
He knew the mistakes we would make,
the sins we would commit,
the courage we would wield,
the lives we would change,
the hearts we would break -
He chose to let Jessie Lyric, Journey, Bridge, Story and baby Manhattan experience life through our triumphs and our mistakes.
They will be stronger, they will be wiser, they will be tested-
Somehow, they will be exactly who God created them to be.
Isn't it a relief?
God's will is done through our strengths and our weaknesses.
God knew...
Didn't He.
He knew what He was doing.
Didn't He?
He knew our strengths, our weaknesses, our talents, our issues, our future...
He knew it all,
And He chose to let Jessie Lyric, Journey, Bridge, Story and baby Manhattan pass through life under our watch.
What a humbling honor.
What a relief.
God knew...
He knew the mistakes we would make,
the sins we would commit,
the courage we would wield,
the lives we would change,
the hearts we would break -
He chose to let Jessie Lyric, Journey, Bridge, Story and baby Manhattan experience life through our triumphs and our mistakes.
They will be stronger, they will be wiser, they will be tested-
Somehow, they will be exactly who God created them to be.
Isn't it a relief?
God's will is done through our strengths and our weaknesses.
God knew...
Didn't He.
Thursday, May 22, 2008
Hear My Prayer
(for the Steven Curtis Chapman family - written when my son, Bridge, was a baby. I changed the "hims" to "hers", for their daughter, Maria Chapman, whom they unexpectedly lost this evening in a tragic accident.)
God, will you take my child?
Will you hold her to your breast?
Will you whisper blessings in her ear?
Can you hear my prayer?
God, will you heal my child?
Will you touch her fragile body?
Will you never let her walk alone?
Can you hear my prayer?
There's nothing I can do
I'm helpless and afraid
But I will give her life to you
And pray
God, will you hold my hand?
Will you walk me through this valley?
My great faith seems very small
Can you hear my prayer?
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
What is Worship?
Okay! I will blog something! :) For all of you who just can't seem to live without me. (kidding)
I really AM trying to keep up with the blog. Lately, I have been spending so much time at home with the kids, it seems that everyday is just like the day before. Up at 7:00, breakfast, Jessie and Journey out the door to the bus stop, Bridge says something cute, Story is adorable, lunch, nap time, trip to Sonic, the bus brings the older two home, we talk and eat a snack, I force them to play together (lots of fun!), we eat dinner, watch Spongebob and go to bed.
It is really hard for me to do the same thing over and over. I have been hearing a lot from God on the subject, of course. He regards our work - when done unto Him - as worship. I can find contentment in the fact that the daily routine of tending to my family is considered worship to Him. I think of this when my day gets mundane and the chores seem endless. He is so faithful.
For this season, He has called me to my family. It has been precious. I know I am at the right place. I am thankful that He orders my life. I am so excited to get back to my chocolate, but in the mean time, I am loving the relationships with my family and my creator.
I'll get back to chocolate soon enough. . .
I really AM trying to keep up with the blog. Lately, I have been spending so much time at home with the kids, it seems that everyday is just like the day before. Up at 7:00, breakfast, Jessie and Journey out the door to the bus stop, Bridge says something cute, Story is adorable, lunch, nap time, trip to Sonic, the bus brings the older two home, we talk and eat a snack, I force them to play together (lots of fun!), we eat dinner, watch Spongebob and go to bed.
It is really hard for me to do the same thing over and over. I have been hearing a lot from God on the subject, of course. He regards our work - when done unto Him - as worship. I can find contentment in the fact that the daily routine of tending to my family is considered worship to Him. I think of this when my day gets mundane and the chores seem endless. He is so faithful.
For this season, He has called me to my family. It has been precious. I know I am at the right place. I am thankful that He orders my life. I am so excited to get back to my chocolate, but in the mean time, I am loving the relationships with my family and my creator.
I'll get back to chocolate soon enough. . .
Thursday, May 08, 2008
Making Money - through the eyes of a 5 year old.
(It isn't that Journey and Jessie Lyric aren't amazing in their own right, it is just that I am with Story and Bridge ALL the time, so I catch them saying cute things more often. I guess it is about age as well.)
This morning I told Bridge to go upstairs and get dressed. He came down about 15 minutes later with his button down shirt and dress jacket on (no pants) that he wore Easter Sunday.
He came over to me, "kissed me goodbye," and said he was going to work. I, then, sat down to watch cartoons with Story. After about 45 minutes, I realized that I had not heard from him. So, I went in the kitchen to Bridge and Story's little craft area to see what he was up to.
He had scissors in his hand, a black marker on the floor, and shards of green paper everywhere. Stacked up next to him in a neat pile was 20 or so various sized rectangles that he had cut from green construction paper.
As I got closer, I saw that he had written the number five on one end, a big circle in the middle, and another number five on the other end of his green rectangles, which I now realized were "money."
I asked him what he was doing, and he looked up at me with his wide, charmed smile and said, "I'm at work making money, like dad." Then he spread out all of his money in front of me and said, "we have to go buy toys and cars now."
So, now I know what Bridge thinks his dad does at work all day, scissors and all. . . don't we wish it was really that easy to make money!!
This morning I told Bridge to go upstairs and get dressed. He came down about 15 minutes later with his button down shirt and dress jacket on (no pants) that he wore Easter Sunday.
He came over to me, "kissed me goodbye," and said he was going to work. I, then, sat down to watch cartoons with Story. After about 45 minutes, I realized that I had not heard from him. So, I went in the kitchen to Bridge and Story's little craft area to see what he was up to.
He had scissors in his hand, a black marker on the floor, and shards of green paper everywhere. Stacked up next to him in a neat pile was 20 or so various sized rectangles that he had cut from green construction paper.
As I got closer, I saw that he had written the number five on one end, a big circle in the middle, and another number five on the other end of his green rectangles, which I now realized were "money."
I asked him what he was doing, and he looked up at me with his wide, charmed smile and said, "I'm at work making money, like dad." Then he spread out all of his money in front of me and said, "we have to go buy toys and cars now."
So, now I know what Bridge thinks his dad does at work all day, scissors and all. . . don't we wish it was really that easy to make money!!
Tuesday, May 06, 2008
Screaming Princess
Daddy: "Story, I don't want to hear you scream like that again."
Story: "Why?"
Daddy: "Because princesses don't scream."
Story: "Oh..."
(later that day)
Story: "Mommy, daddy said that princesses don't scream."
Mommy: "Well, daddy is right."
Story: "But, but mommy, there's . . . mommy? - there's a scream in my mouth."
Story: "Why?"
Daddy: "Because princesses don't scream."
Story: "Oh..."
(later that day)
Story: "Mommy, daddy said that princesses don't scream."
Mommy: "Well, daddy is right."
Story: "But, but mommy, there's . . . mommy? - there's a scream in my mouth."
It's a Girl!!!
We are happy to announce that our ultrasound revealed that we are having a girl (in late August).
Her name is Manhattan Faith. We feel blessed beyond words.
Please pray that the pregnancy will continue to go well. It would be nice to not have to be on bed rest for the last 6 weeks. :) (due to early contractions)
Her name is Manhattan Faith. We feel blessed beyond words.
Please pray that the pregnancy will continue to go well. It would be nice to not have to be on bed rest for the last 6 weeks. :) (due to early contractions)
So Much to Say; Not Much I Can Say!
I want you all to know that there have been some exciting developments in chocolate land for Jesse and I. I just am not at liberty to give details. That is probably why I haven't been able to blog lately. I just don't know what to say about it all!
Hopefully I will have some details that I can share very soon. I am hoping to make a big announcement by June 1st. God is in control though, so His timeline may be a little different. :)
Feel free to ask questions (as a comment to this post). I will tell you what I can.
Love you all,
Bethany
Hopefully I will have some details that I can share very soon. I am hoping to make a big announcement by June 1st. God is in control though, so His timeline may be a little different. :)
Feel free to ask questions (as a comment to this post). I will tell you what I can.
Love you all,
Bethany
Thursday, April 17, 2008
I'm Still Here
I can't believe it has been almost 2 weeks since I posted. Sorry!!!
I guess I have been consumed with getting the book all wrapped up with Thomas Nelson. It has been an overwhelming, yet completely enjoyable process. I am proud and incredibly humbled with the outcome - and I can't wait for you all to have a chance to see it!
It won't be in bookstores until October. I know. Too long! I think I will get my hands on some advance copies before then - I am not sure how all that works yet. The electronic version is beautiful, but I can't wait to hold a copy in my hands. I will probably sleep with it under my pillow for a couple of nights. LOL!
Anyway, I hope I will be more consistant in my postings. I have missed writing to you all. You help me keep my head on straight! :)
Chocolate love!
I guess I have been consumed with getting the book all wrapped up with Thomas Nelson. It has been an overwhelming, yet completely enjoyable process. I am proud and incredibly humbled with the outcome - and I can't wait for you all to have a chance to see it!
It won't be in bookstores until October. I know. Too long! I think I will get my hands on some advance copies before then - I am not sure how all that works yet. The electronic version is beautiful, but I can't wait to hold a copy in my hands. I will probably sleep with it under my pillow for a couple of nights. LOL!
Anyway, I hope I will be more consistant in my postings. I have missed writing to you all. You help me keep my head on straight! :)
Chocolate love!
Wednesday, April 02, 2008
Bridge-ism
I decided that Bridge needs his own category on my blog. (Bridge-ism) His way of saying things is so darn cute. He doesn't have any conventional notions. It doesn't even dawn on him that he can look to those around him to learn by imitating. He is just Bridge; in his own little world.
So, today he crawls up in my lap, shivering - and he asks me, "Mom, can I borrow your warm?" So we sit there and cuddle for a minute and then he asks me, "where does your warm come from . . . Jesus?" "Do only moms and dads have warm - and they give it to their childrens?"
No, Bridge - I definitely get my warm from you!! :)
So, today he crawls up in my lap, shivering - and he asks me, "Mom, can I borrow your warm?" So we sit there and cuddle for a minute and then he asks me, "where does your warm come from . . . Jesus?" "Do only moms and dads have warm - and they give it to their childrens?"
No, Bridge - I definitely get my warm from you!! :)
Monday, March 31, 2008
A Monster in My Head
You know how a young child can catch you off guard by saying something quite profound so innocently and unintentionally that you can't help but think about it for days and days.
I was putting Bridge to bed one night last week. As usual, he was trying to talk me into letting him sleep with daddy and mommy. For the last year or so, he has had a terrible time sleeping because of bad dreams and "dong dongs" which his way of saying imaginary noises. He has come down the stairs many nights completely panicked, only able to cry in spurts because the terror has stolen his voice.
I am very sympathetic to this issue, because I remember how vivid my imagination was as a child. I often laid in bed in complete terror, heart pounding in my ears, as I waited for the impending doom to overtake me.
So, this night as I was putting him in bed, I took the time to ask Bridge why he was so scared. He look straight in my eyes with all the weight of 100 restless nights in his stare and said, "Mommy, there's a monster in my head."
As I have matured, I have learned that the power of my imagination is a great gift, even though it affected me so negatively in my childhood. I have also learned that it still affects me in some ways that I can pinpoint and in some ways that I am not even aware of yet.
I suffer from depression. I can't tell you why or where it comes from or even how it behaves. It controls me and affects my family in ways that have yet to be seen. I am grateful for zoloft, my medicine that keeps the edge off - some days I even feel "normal" almost all day. But even with meds, I still wrestle critically with myself over questions that my rational mind is able to ask, "what is wrong with you?, can't you snap out of it?, why are you so lazy?, you have everything you could possibly want, why can't you just be happy?"
For the first time in my life, because of my sons fears, I have begun to consider the possibility that the depression is a sideaffect of the imagination that I have been blessed with. My imagination calls things into being, it doesn't let me sleep, it is a never ending supply of possibilities and contradictions. It is relentless.
Bridge said it, "There is a monster in my head." That is how it feels. It is the thorn in my side. I may never shake him out this side of eternity.
Even still, I am grateful for my imagination, and as for the monster; he makes me look forward to an eternity with my savior.
I was putting Bridge to bed one night last week. As usual, he was trying to talk me into letting him sleep with daddy and mommy. For the last year or so, he has had a terrible time sleeping because of bad dreams and "dong dongs" which his way of saying imaginary noises. He has come down the stairs many nights completely panicked, only able to cry in spurts because the terror has stolen his voice.
I am very sympathetic to this issue, because I remember how vivid my imagination was as a child. I often laid in bed in complete terror, heart pounding in my ears, as I waited for the impending doom to overtake me.
So, this night as I was putting him in bed, I took the time to ask Bridge why he was so scared. He look straight in my eyes with all the weight of 100 restless nights in his stare and said, "Mommy, there's a monster in my head."
As I have matured, I have learned that the power of my imagination is a great gift, even though it affected me so negatively in my childhood. I have also learned that it still affects me in some ways that I can pinpoint and in some ways that I am not even aware of yet.
I suffer from depression. I can't tell you why or where it comes from or even how it behaves. It controls me and affects my family in ways that have yet to be seen. I am grateful for zoloft, my medicine that keeps the edge off - some days I even feel "normal" almost all day. But even with meds, I still wrestle critically with myself over questions that my rational mind is able to ask, "what is wrong with you?, can't you snap out of it?, why are you so lazy?, you have everything you could possibly want, why can't you just be happy?"
For the first time in my life, because of my sons fears, I have begun to consider the possibility that the depression is a sideaffect of the imagination that I have been blessed with. My imagination calls things into being, it doesn't let me sleep, it is a never ending supply of possibilities and contradictions. It is relentless.
Bridge said it, "There is a monster in my head." That is how it feels. It is the thorn in my side. I may never shake him out this side of eternity.
Even still, I am grateful for my imagination, and as for the monster; he makes me look forward to an eternity with my savior.
Thursday, March 27, 2008
Clouds
This is an email that my friend Tina sent to me several years ago. I have saved it all this time. I ran across it today and it spoke to me, just like it does every time I run across it. It is too good to keep to myself . . .
God is so sweet to me. I just want to share with you how He loved on me this afternoon. After my disappointing day yesterday, I had been asking Him to please remove the clouds that seem to be covering the answers that we have been looking for. This is just the way that I picture the circumstance that we are in. A cloud.
So, in my bible study today, the entire last part is on...clouds. :) There are several verses showing places and times in the bible where God is within clouds or uses clouds to help people not hurt them. Then the following paragraph is written....
In the Bible, clouds are always connected with the Spirit of God. Clouds are those sorrows or sufferings in our personal lives, which seem to dispute the rule of God. It is by those very clouds that the Spirit of God is teaching us how to walk by faith. If there were no clouds, we would have no faith. The clouds are the dust of our Fathers feet (Nahum 1:3) The clouds are a sign that He is there! We must be able to look at the darkest, blackest cloud and know that is does not change God's character, who He is.
~When darkness seems to hide His face, I rest on His unchanging grace. In every high and stormy gale, my anchor holds within the veil. On Christ the Solid Rock I stand, all other ground is sinking sand.~
I am so humbled by His desire to speak to me and help me. God is so good. Thanks for letting me share and for praying with me.
God is so sweet to me. I just want to share with you how He loved on me this afternoon. After my disappointing day yesterday, I had been asking Him to please remove the clouds that seem to be covering the answers that we have been looking for. This is just the way that I picture the circumstance that we are in. A cloud.
So, in my bible study today, the entire last part is on...clouds. :) There are several verses showing places and times in the bible where God is within clouds or uses clouds to help people not hurt them. Then the following paragraph is written....
In the Bible, clouds are always connected with the Spirit of God. Clouds are those sorrows or sufferings in our personal lives, which seem to dispute the rule of God. It is by those very clouds that the Spirit of God is teaching us how to walk by faith. If there were no clouds, we would have no faith. The clouds are the dust of our Fathers feet (Nahum 1:3) The clouds are a sign that He is there! We must be able to look at the darkest, blackest cloud and know that is does not change God's character, who He is.
~When darkness seems to hide His face, I rest on His unchanging grace. In every high and stormy gale, my anchor holds within the veil. On Christ the Solid Rock I stand, all other ground is sinking sand.~
I am so humbled by His desire to speak to me and help me. God is so good. Thanks for letting me share and for praying with me.
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
Household Tip #1
Buy a 3 pack of Clorox Cleanups. Put one container in each bathroom, behind the toilet. Every time you sit down to pee, grab a Cleanup and wipe the floor with it.
Saves time. Keeps germs off the bottom of little bare feet. Prevents tracking of feces throughout the house. (Hey, two potty training children - one mommy. You gotta do something!)
Take it or leave it . . .
Saves time. Keeps germs off the bottom of little bare feet. Prevents tracking of feces throughout the house. (Hey, two potty training children - one mommy. You gotta do something!)
Take it or leave it . . .
Monday, March 24, 2008
I'm a Great Colorer
So, I'm sitting on the floor with Story, coloring in her princess activity book. When I hear my brain tell myself, "you are a really great colorer." I sat there admiring my work and my *choice of color* and actually felt very proud of myself for about 3 seconds.
Then, I think to myself, how low does your self esteem have to be for you to stoop to giving yourself random complements over skills that you mastered in kindergarten! How hungry for acknowledgment do you have to be for your self to have to tell your self that you build really straight towers out of alphabet blocks.
I know you moms know what I am talking about, right?! Well, keep the pep talks going - and hey, if you ever need to hear anyone tell you what a great colorer you are - just let me know! :)
In fact, mail me your best picture. I will post my favorite right here on my blog AND hang it on my refrigerator. Yes - I'm serious! We might as well have a little fun around here!!
My address: 602 Watermark Way Franklin, TN 37064
Must be postmarked by April 2nd. (cause if I said April 1st, you would all think I was joking)
Then, I think to myself, how low does your self esteem have to be for you to stoop to giving yourself random complements over skills that you mastered in kindergarten! How hungry for acknowledgment do you have to be for your self to have to tell your self that you build really straight towers out of alphabet blocks.
I know you moms know what I am talking about, right?! Well, keep the pep talks going - and hey, if you ever need to hear anyone tell you what a great colorer you are - just let me know! :)
In fact, mail me your best picture. I will post my favorite right here on my blog AND hang it on my refrigerator. Yes - I'm serious! We might as well have a little fun around here!!
My address: 602 Watermark Way Franklin, TN 37064
Must be postmarked by April 2nd. (cause if I said April 1st, you would all think I was joking)
Sunday, March 23, 2008
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
What a Wonderful World
We were sitting at Arby's tonight, me, Jesse and the kids, when we hear What a Wonderful World play over the speakers. Of course, I had a flood of memories wash over me as my mind's eye replayed every picture of The Cocoa Tree photo montage that I created to that song - and my heart replayed every feeling. (see montage further down on blog)
Just as I start to feel a little sad, I notice Story. She is sitting in the little wooden restaurant high chair with her eyes closed, her brow furrowed and her eyebrows emoting - interpreting the music through the movement of her arms, hands and swaying head. Her arms were stretched out, up and then down, across and over . . . she was dancing in her own way, in her own world and we are all fortunate enough to be part of it.
What a wonderful world.
Just as I start to feel a little sad, I notice Story. She is sitting in the little wooden restaurant high chair with her eyes closed, her brow furrowed and her eyebrows emoting - interpreting the music through the movement of her arms, hands and swaying head. Her arms were stretched out, up and then down, across and over . . . she was dancing in her own way, in her own world and we are all fortunate enough to be part of it.
What a wonderful world.
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
And I Stir
My workshop is cold and empty. I am exhausted and lonely, but the chocolate needs to be stirred. My thoughts cruelly lead me down a dark hallway, strap me to a hard, wooden chair and torture me with pulses of doubt and fear. I open my eyes and shake my head to see if reality will rescue me. And I stir.
Her sweet smell casts a light into my darkness, calling me out. To my surprise I want to follow. And I stir. The thick, fluid chocolate charms my captor into letting me go, allowing a reprieve. I begin to relax as my thoughts become enveloped in the dark mixture. And I stir.
I slowly feel my senses return as I reveal my intimate thoughts to her. And I stir, and she listens, keeping my secrets safe, giving me a voice, never judging, only listening. And I stir. And I’m free.
Her sweet smell casts a light into my darkness, calling me out. To my surprise I want to follow. And I stir. The thick, fluid chocolate charms my captor into letting me go, allowing a reprieve. I begin to relax as my thoughts become enveloped in the dark mixture. And I stir.
I slowly feel my senses return as I reveal my intimate thoughts to her. And I stir, and she listens, keeping my secrets safe, giving me a voice, never judging, only listening. And I stir. And I’m free.
Friday, March 14, 2008
BitterSweet
I made my blog private so that I can begin to share my whole heart with friends who understand the process that I am going through. It is good and bad, happy and sad - just like chocolate - it is bittersweet.
There are other people involved in this saga. My intention is to stick to the facts. I hope you will keep anything written here between you and I, as I am only sharing my thoughts for one reason - so I don't feel like I am going through this alone.
Understand that I have a lot to work through. A lot to celebrate and a lot to grieve. I hope you will stay with me as I keep on walking down this road.
There are other people involved in this saga. My intention is to stick to the facts. I hope you will keep anything written here between you and I, as I am only sharing my thoughts for one reason - so I don't feel like I am going through this alone.
Understand that I have a lot to work through. A lot to celebrate and a lot to grieve. I hope you will stay with me as I keep on walking down this road.
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