I Am an Artist...

So, here I am. At the blank page again. A familiar posture for me that seems to make a little more sense now that I can look back and see myself sitting here all these years - feeling the things that I feel that force me here, compelled to [get it out] whatever [it] is.

I am an artist. It is apparent now. I have always been one, but never realized the impact that [being] an artist had on my life. As I sit here, looking back, I realize so clearly, so beautifully, all of the bizarre twists and turns that I have taken - the forbidden doors that I have opened; it has all been part of the [being] that I am - an artist.

It is a way of life, a way of feeling - not thinking. Thinking gets in the way, it blocks out the child like approach that we must bring to the canvas. I observe the way a child loves - purely, unexpectedly venturing into life, not even realizing that there is a destination. Then she becomes aware that she is [supposed] to go somewhere. Where? When? How? It all gets muddled, foggy and adult like.

Those of us blessed [and cursed] with this ability to stand back and feel the world moving around us, knowing that we are not in control of it and actually reveling in that reality... we may seem odd to the rest of the world, but we know how lucky we are. We are the ones who create. We are the ones who inspire. We are the ones who choose to be fragile. If we didn't, who would? And then, where would we be?

My life so far may be a mess. I may not have all my ducks in a row. I may not be holding any cards. I might have spilled my milk a time or two. But I am living, I am breathing, I am playing, I am drawing, I am writing, I am painting. I am an artist and I like it - no, I love it just the way I am.

So, here I am. The page - not so blank, it is now filled with words. So, I did my job, the one I was born to do. I hope you felt something, maybe it even made you stop and ponder a thing or two. If it did - maybe you know now that it has to be this way. I have to feel this way. I have to live this way. It is better for me and it is better for you.