Favorite Things

The past 2 weeks have been really rough. I have struggled with depression since my senior year of high school. It is always harder to deal with right after I have a baby.

So here are some happy thoughts. A list of my favorite things:
Jessie's dimples
Story's eyes
Bridge's laugh
Journey's hugs
Chocolate at 3:00 in the afternoon
White daisies
The tableclothes at The Cocoa Tree
Tina's voice
Pink little dresses
Newborn diapers
A new notebook
Clean sheets
Girl Scout Thin Mints
Peacock Hill
Watching my children dance
The smell of verbena
Thunderstorms
Bubble baths
Snowdrifts
Target
Christmas Eve
Wheatfields
October
Chopsticks
Sunflowers

So much to say, so little time

I guess I have to admit that I am a perfectionist. I don't ever post because I am waiting for the perfect time or the perfect subject or the perfect place to start. I don't know where to start. I have so much to say and so little time. :)

I think the point of blogging is that it is kind of a random thoughts, daily journal thing. So, maybe I should start with today. You think!!

I live in a loft above my chocolate shop in historic downtown Franklin. My four children are all in bed and I am sitting at the window looking out onto Main St. I wonder how I got here. I used to be down there on the sidewalk looking up into this window thinking about what it would be like to live here. I thought I knew. I wasn't close.

I thought I would be a different person. I thought fairytales were magical. It is funny how other people see the magic, but I don't. Sometimes I catch a glimmer. I walked by the truffle case yesterday as a stranger stood there ordering several truffles. As he rattled off the names of the truffles, the names that I gave them in what seems like another lifetime, I saw a glimmer. It filled me up.

I wonder - is it impossible to see in when you are on the inside looking out?

Just Breathe

You'll never guess who came into our shop tonight. . .what a silly little game for a blog - anyway - Faith Hill brought her girls in for fondue. Jesse and I weren't here. Oh well. I would have probably embarrased myself.

Jesse took me to Renee's house tonight to soak in her whirpool bathtub. Heaven! We don't have a bathtub in the loft, so it was a real treat to take a bath. Someday I will have a bathtub.

First for everything

I am going to try this blog thing. I have been hearing about it for a couple of years and I keep thinking that it sounds like something I should do. After all, I am a cool and interesting person. Someone should want to read about my facinating life. Right? Well, at least I might feel better thinking that someone might actually be interested. :)

Business is good. Starting a business is more work than I ever dreamed was possible. There isn't enough time in the day. You just have to keep putting out the hottest fires and hope that someday you won't need the hose anymore.

Marriage is hard. Jesse and I are going to make it for sure...we love our family and we love each other, but life is hard and there just isn't enough love to make it all better. We are broken and it really hurts sometimes. Like when I have knocked myself out all day with 4 children, 4 employees, a production schedule and breastfeeding and my husband comes in - bless his heart. . .really - and tells me that he is disappointed in the condition of the house. I am thinking, "are you kidding me?" I handed him the baby and took a drive to cool off.

Chocolate is medicine. I stir my worries away in a bowl of melted chocolate. I lick it off my finger and remember how good life is.