Taking the Umbrella

Several years ago, when Jesse and I lived on White Ct, God was gracious enough to give me a glimpse into His sovereignty.

At the time, I was struggling with the concept that prayer changes things. I was raised to believe that if you had enough faith, anything you prayed would come into being. Then in 1996, my father died of cancer despite all of our intense prayers for his healing. So, I guess personal experience has taught me that you can't "name it and claim it."

For several years after dad's death, I was very confused about how I should pray - if I should pray. I kept praying only because the bible said that I should. Still, I wondered why. I didn't understand how humans could possibly have an impact on the maker of heaven and earth. And if I did pray in faith, expecting a certain outcome, was I voiding out my faith if I bought insurance?

So, back to White Ct, I was suffering incredibly from postpartum depression at the time, and often Jesse and I would take walks in the neighborhood so I could escape the fours walls of my house.

This day, as soon as Jesse and I stepped outside for our walk, we realized that rain was eminent. I grabbed Jesse's hand and prayed that God would be gracious enough to hold off the rain for 30 minutes and I kept walking. I opened the back of our truck, to get the stroller out, thinking surely God will keep the rain away, surely He knew how much I needed this walk. Then, as I was reaching for the stroller, I saw something out of the corner of my eye - an umbrella.

What should I do? Should I take the umbrella with me and possibly disappoint God with my lack of faith, potentially voiding my prayer? Or do I leave it in hopes that God will reward my faith and hold off the rain. My head didn't know the answer, but my spirit did. On a sudden impulse I reached in and grabbed that umbrella and shoved it in the bottom of the stroller. That is when God spoke through my words as I found myself saying to Jesse, "I prayed for the rain to stay away", and then pointing to the umbrella I said, "But God is sovereign."

So now, when I pray in faith for a certain outcome, I think of those words, I think about that walk - that ended up being dry all the way - and I remember the umbrella, a gentle reminder that God does want me to pray in faith, but He also wants me to acknowledge His sovereignty.

So now, I carry an umbrella not because of a lack of faith, but because I want to praise His sovereignty that covers me.