God's Timing is Perfect

Someone sent this to me today. It is from Jesus Calling. It couldn't be more appropriate. . .

June 27th

Rest with Me a while. You have journeyed up a steep, rugged path in recent days. The way ahead is shrouded in uncertainty. Look neither behind you nor before you. Instead, focus your attention on Me, your constant Companion. Trust that I will equip you fully for whatever awaits you on your journey.

I designed time to be a protection for you. You couldn’t bear to see all your life at once. Though I am unlimited by time, it is in the present moment that I meet you. Refresh yourself in My company, breathing deep draughts of My Presence. The highest level of trust is to enjoy Me moment by moment. I am with you, watching over you wherever you go.

The Practice of Sacrifice

I have noticed lately that I have 4 children. Four children. Hmmm, when did that happen?

I have also noticed that, unfortunately, I am not much of a routine person. Unfortunate for me because children seem to thrive on routine. Here is where that "mother" word gets ugly. ;)

So, I am home all day with the children now. (my amazing employees can run the shop without me...what a concept!!) I decided last week that our lives need to start acting differently. I need to make our home a non roller-coaster zone. We have moved from one stress to the other for the last 3 years and it has taken a toll on our family. It isn't that I haven't noticed it before, it is that I have just realized that The Cocoa Tree isn't going to get any easier. It is time for me to figure out how to balance the high stress small business "thing" with the low key small family "thing".

All that to say, I am seeing the need in my children to have a (oh, so hard to say this word) schedule. Whew, there I said it. (Hello, my name is Bethany and I am an. . .a. . .free spirit)

So, after a week of "schedule" I stood at the kitchen sink looking out the window at the thought of myself running as fast as I could away from this place. WHY? I LOVE my children. I love providing for them, playing with them, reading to them. What is wrong with me? What makes me want to run away? (The reality is that I would get to the end of my subdivision and see my children's faces flash through my mind; then I would turn around and run home.)

I want to be in two places at the same time - home loving on my children and at The Cocoa Tree pouring my heart into the business. I feel the most like myself when I am at TCT. But home is taking all my energy and emotional resources. My children need me at home while they are young. I can't put my wants ahead of their needs. A tough choice to make right now, but one I won't regret.

I learned the meaning of sacrifice when I became a mother. I have been learning the practice of sacrifice ever since. Relentless when looking forward, but breathtaking when looking back. Someday I will have a chance to look back. For now, I will enjoy what is right in front of me.

Franklin Cinema With A Twist

I took the kids - all four - to the free movie at Franklin Cinema this morning. What a wonderful thing. Story, my 11 month old baby girl, actually watched part of the movie. She laughed at a scene in the cartoon where a fly lands on Daffy Duck's bill and walks up to Daffy's eyes which makes Daffy go cross-eyed, then Daffy blinks which causes the fly to fall to the ground. She laughed and laughed. It is amazing how something as simple as a giggling baby daughter can fill up all the empty places.

Jesse and I received an interesting email today from our financial partners. I can't talk about it until it has been finalized. I'll just say it is a dramatic twist. I wish I could see into the future to see how it is going to play out.

Stay tuned...

Hero

This morning I rescued a baby bird from our kiddie pool with a baseball mitt and a shovel - and a very angry mommy bird circling above my head. All four of my kids were cheering me on from behind the screen door. It was beautiful. It isn't every day that you get to save wildlife in front of an adoring, captive audience. I was a hero. It felt good.

The "Perfect Will" Carrot

I suffer from the disease of melancholy. One of the unfortunate side effects is over analyzation. Of course, I have to run this current turn of events through the over-analyis-melancholy-mill. I thought I would share the outcome.

If there is anything I excel at it is self doubt. I can know I am right and as soon as you tell me different I get a knot in the pit of my stomach and start crying tears of repentence.

It is interesting to me that as I over analyize this that I keep coming back to the "where did we go wrong" question. I guess it is natural to think that if something this wacked out happens, you must have missed a really big flashing neon sign somewhere along the way. So, in my thoughts, in my nightmares I am searching through the corridors trying to find that sign. Not that I can go back and change directions, but at least I can hang a bigger flashing neon sign next to it so that I can never let myself and anyone who comes after me forget the fact that I missed it. Maybe it feels a little bit like repentence.

Is it neccesary to put myself through the torture? I wonder. Of course Jesse and I made mistakes. I don't think we ever thought that we could start a booming business without making any mistakes - and what if that was the plan, to make no mistakes? Is that really how God wants us to live? If so, why grace? Why Jesus?

Did he make me human to torture me with a sick little game? Dangling a "perfect will" carrot in front of my face. I hope not! I hope He made me human knowing I would make mistakes and realize my absolute dependency on Him. He didn't create us to be perfect. My imperfection doesn't even surprise Him. I have to believe this is true. If not, the philosophy of The Cocoa Tree is just a clever marketing scheme.

God wants a relationship. He is the lover of our soul who gives us chocolates to delight us, even in our imperfection. He gives us chocolate even knowing that we may over indulge in it. He has a perfect plan that He is working in our lives and somehow the mistakes that we make are part of the beautiful story that He is telling.

I have to believe that Main Street is part of that story. I have to believe that He called us out of that building to fulfill His purpose. We can't know what the reason is right now, but we can choose to trust Him. I won't deny the faith that He has so lovingly built in me by questioning these current events. I will hope in the Lord and trust in His plan, and I will pray for the grace to continue to do so.

Conspicuous Consumption

I start to wonder why we keep putting ourselves through all of this and then we get things from our customers like this. It makes it all worth it...

The first image is a scrapbook page that was inspired by The Cocoa Tree. The next two are women enjoying our chocolate covered bananas at Main Street Festival. The look on their faces is priceless!!

Just Shoot Me, Please

Okay. I am sitting here this morning with the aftermath of last night lingering in my emotions (our garage is filled with all the mold infested items that we have to sort through and figure out how to clean) and I make a decision that I need to let my brain rest from the events of The Cocoa Tree and just focus on my family for the next several days. After all, all the drama is behind us, right?? - OH BUT WAIT. The phone rings and Always-An-Emergency-Juanita is on the other end of the phone informing me that the electricity had just been shut off at the new building.

You would think that with all we have lived through, I would be able to take something silly like "no electricity" pretty well...but that isn't what happened. I just about lost my mind. I had braced myself for Satan himself pulling me by the hair through poisonous slime in that other building. Anything could have happened and I would have been pretty OK, but last night after we closed and locked that door for the last time I felt like I had finally reached the finish line - you know - after the 26 mile marathon (RACH you totally rock my world!!) You know how you get to a point where you finally feel like you can exhale, not afraid to let yourself feel again and then like a freight train - BAM one more thing sneaks through under the crack. All of a sudden I couldn't take one more thing. The line had been crossed, that was it - NO MORE STRESS!!

Sometimes I feel like I can't take anymore...will someone please just put me out of my misery! Okay, well - I guess I would miss my kids too much, so don't do that. maybe just talk me out of the tree. . .The Cocoa Tree, that is. ;)

Sibling Rivalry

So, Bridge (3-year-old) picks up the toy gun. (yes, we are guilty of propagating core NRA beliefs through our children) Anyway, he pointed the gun at me and pulled the trigger. I warned him in a very stern tone that he should only point guns at bad guys, not good guys. A look of revelation passed over his face, he looked at me with a twinkle in his eye and turned and pointed it at his 4-year-old brother!

Taylor Crush

Taylor Hicks at Walmart

Crazy about Taylor. Crazy, crazy!!!

Leaving the Loft

Tonight I had to spend a couple of hours in the loft sorting through toys, books, clothing, etc. I couldn't be up there for very long, no one can - it is wretched. I kept picturing myself punching our landlord in the nose. I wish she had to stand there and watch us leave behind precious things because we simply couldn't be up there long enough to pack it all up.

So, we are taking what we can to a storage unit until we can figure out how to clean it up. The matresses, couches, rugs, and large furniture had to stay. We can only take stuff that can be cleaned with bleach.

God is good. He is taking care of us. I am emotionally drained and physically ill from being up there. I was wearing a gas mask, but it didn't seem to help much.

I wish I could be a little more upbeat. I just can't right now. Please pray for us.

A new day for Bridge

Most of you know me well enough to understand the significance of this photo. It is amazing to see Bridge eat! This marks the beginning of a new era. He has been swallowing all kinds of things including mandarin oranges, cheese, bacon, crackers and yogurt. Praise the Lord!!! We actually may be able to remove the feeding port by his 5th birthday. :) I am so thankful.

Madly

So totally, completely, madly, deeply, obsessively, uncontrollably in love...

142 2nd Ave. North

We opened for business tonight at the interim location on 142 2nd Ave. N. We had almost every menu item available. We were encouraged by the number of people who sought us out at the new location. People really love what we do. It feels good to know that.

Brock and Anni stopped by. They are REGULAR customers. Brock loves chocolate more than any girl I know. Their visit was perfect timing. It was so good to have our old Cocoa Friends in the new location. . .feels like home.

We really enjoyed working in a facility that is well equiped. It was refreshing to say the least. I think it is a little taste of things to come.

Goodbye Main Street

343 Main St. is empty tonight, except for a few things scattered here and there. The reality of it hasn't hit me yet. I went in today so I could begin to let myself get my head around the fact that we won't be in that building anymore. It isn't possible. It is like looking at the NYC skyline and seeing the Twin Towers still standing.

I actually haven't even let myself "go there" emotionally. I am afraid I would cry for days, and then I would have days of work to catch up on - crying is over rated anyway.

Love, laughter and conspicuous consumption isn't just our catch phrase under our logo, it is what living in that building was about. We loved. We laughed. We consumed life conspicuously. We cried. We yelled. We sang. We prayed. We relished our time with each other. We experiencied God's grace and provision in such tremendous ways.

That building kicked my butt everyday, but I fought back with all I had. We all did. In the end the building won. We loved it and it didn't love us back. That's life. We'll move on, but we will never forget the time there, we will never forget the experience and most certainly we will never forget being the family who loved living above a little chocolate shop on Main St. called The Cocoa Tree.